The Spirit is Heavy

This is what God gave me during a midnight hour:

Rip the sky open, and rip it wide, 

Unblanket the heavenly, two worlds collide.

It's your face we long to see, 

Show us Your glory, set the captives free.

Take us up O God, like the days of Zion, 

Innocence like a dove, boldness like a lion. 

Consume us with the flame of your jealous love, 

Dump the bowls on me from the realm above. 

Your spirit falls with power and glory

I see You as You, O how could you adore me?

Burn my lips with the coal from Your heavenly throne, 

The seraphims cry out, your holiness shone. 

Captivated by your beauty, romanced by your heart. 

Bind my spirit to yours through galaxies apart.

Fan the flame of my desires and teach me your ways, 

Its your presence I long for all of my days. 

Unsustainable hunger and unquenchable thirst, 

For passion to ignite its You I'll put first

May Your kingdom come and your will be done

Without you, I'm nothing, my God you are One

Desperation arising, but hope everlasting. 

Make me tender and meek, it's my heart You're unmasking

You see me as holy, blameless, and pure, 

A daughter and child, You're mine and I'm yours

King of Kings as my Father, Abba I cry

The Spirit of adoption is where I reside

In Your presence I behold all that you are

The only way to respond is an alabaster jar

You're worth it all, I've counted the cost. 

Longevity to sustain and save the lost

Help me spirit with eyes for the mission

Only by Your Lordship God, strength through submission. 

May today mark the day that I love you the least

Jesus, Messiah, Son of God, and High Priest

As we await the day to usher you in, 

We will prepare the way, make us ready for Him

The day will be glorious, yet fearful for some, 

Because the Spirit and the Bride say come. 

Circuit Riders

Lately, as I run and spend time out in Makoshika I encounter the Lord in such intense tangible ways. My group of friends and I are doing a 2 week School of Circuit Riders through YWAM in August. In this month beforehand, we're really praying into what it looks like for each and every one of us and things we should be expecting from the school. I want all of us to really use our God given gifts and invest in them and operate in them within the team. Themes and trends were starting to form such as "Hunger and more intimacy, to walk and operate in the fullness of the Spirit, awakening the Bride and the urgency of the hour." I was praying for the team as a whole yesterday while listening to Misty Edwards "Fling Wide" album and I got a crazy revelation. Every member on our 8 person team was intricately and uniquely fashioned by the Maker of the universe and holds a very special place in His heart. We carry hope in their hearts and a promise of eternity. We are intercessors, lovesick martyers, worship leaders, evangelists, prophets, and teachers with all one thing in common: desperation for Jesus. It was something revealed to me that was so simple, but yet so Divine. That is the most important gift of all that was getting looked over. The gospel is simple and our one hearts' desire is for people to fall in the love with the Son of God, the Hope of Glory, the man, Jesus. To have substance living on the inside, fulfilling the desire that nothing else in this world ever could. We have individual gifts but the common thread within our team is that we were orchestrated together to go hard after the goal of bringing the kingdom to the earth. We carry the fingerprint of God fueled by the Holy Spirit. Hunger is the invitation to the deeper things of Him. The language is prayer, the rhythm is worship, the passion is intercession, and the overflow is evangelism. We live to see people living in freedom, consumed by a jealous God who set all things in motion by a mere breath, and to be motivated by His love to do the hard thing. We are. the Circuit Riders.

me+cat=revelation

As I was sitting at a chair in my dining room the Lord downloaded a revelation to me through my cat, of all things. He was rubbing up against my legs and weaving in and out of both of them and meowing and pawing my leg. I was perplexed and wondered why he always did that, so I just sat there, and stared, and watched the repetitive mannerisms. After awhile, I picked him up and was stroking the top of his head as he began to purr. I noticed he had a huuge bloody scab right below his mouth that was obviously from a cat fight from the previous night. As I ran my finger over the wound, he pulled away and was very resistant. I continued to pet him and hold him so tight and wouldn't let him go and all he could do was fight it. I just wanted to comfort him so he would stop fighting. This was something so simple yet so profound I was able to recognized with a redeemed heart and through spiritual eyes. I felt something in my heart shift as I recognized my cat and I being so similar to me and my walk with God. He gave us his Spirit so we can learn how to abide, to be so close to Him that we are one. To weave in between His legs, to rest in His arms. God placed that desire and longing in our hearts to be in that place with Him, but sometimes we're like my cat who want to go outside on our own and do things our way. To experience the world, to fight with flesh and blood. This results in battle woulds, scars, that only Jesus can heal through His blood on the cross. That only will be restored if we open our hearts and let him into the deepest most hurting places of our lives. Nothing is better than a fresh touch or filling of the Holy Spirit or an affirming word from a Father. That's what my heart beats for, that's what makes me "purr". In this world, it's a battle for the soul. A war raging all around us that's competing for our attention and the affection of our hearts. We must keep focused on what's eternally important, on truth and our hope of glory. We will become what we gaze upon so be fixated and focused on the perfect, 100% God, 100% Man, Jesus Christ. Let nothing else have your affection and attention but that alone. Undivided and wholly devoted. The fire in His eyes is an all-consuming fire, after encountering His love, I am not the same. I begin to be consumed with the things that are on His heart and I am overwhelmed but it's by His power that I can do these things for the kingdom of heaven.

Pure Goodness

My King, my Savior, my Abba, my Lord, my Hope of Glory. Thank you for revelations, for friends, for your voice and the guidance of your Holy Spirit. Teach me obedience, and patience in this season of waiting, and refining. My hearts desire is to carry Your heart, to see Your fingerprints across the globe, to see Your kingdom come and Your will be done, as earth as it is in Heaven. Without you I have nothing, and with nothing I have everything in You. I'm desperate for more of Your presence and how I long to be a part of what You're doing in the hearts and in the nations You breathed life into. I'm thankful that You know my hearts desires and my adventurous spirit was God given so help me to trust You more, Your sovereignty, Your promises, and Your continual faithfulness. To hold fast to Your spoken word and to not rush ahead of Your timing. I'm on Your time clock and Your ways are higher than mine. I will delight in today and everything You've done. I will choose You above all else; Lord remove any selfish ambition or motivation and create in me a pure heart and a steadfast spirit. Open hand, willing heart, lead me, take me where ever you want Jesus, even if it's here. Teach me to be more like you every day. I love you Lord and am thankful for who You are. Your character is a non-negotiable and will never change and to that I will cling all my days. <3

Caught in the Arms of Grace

Grace [greys] -(noun): mercy, pardon, manifestation of favor, especially by a superior 

"God pronounced original grace. The other side of the story is when we, finite fallen humans, head off on our own, ignoring the Giver. This headstrong straying we have called original sin, meaning our freedom to choose the not so good, to turn aside from original grace. Ironically, this freedom is itself the most unique grace given humankind by God, the capacity to choose our own way, which must necessarily entail the possibility of choosing poorly. Because we have not always chosen the most graceful path, we have ended up in some miserable, blind alleys along the way. When we grasp our predicament and call for the help we had previously spurned, amazing grace comes to the rescue."


I am so thankful for God's grace, mercy and the power of the cross. I have been continually receiving revelation of the significance of the blood Jesus shed to cover over all of my iniquities and short comings. The victory is already won and the sins I will commit tomorrow are already taken care of. He is my hope of glory, undeserved, without question, and without condition. God also extends grace to our human comprehension and understanding to behold our Maker and know Him as He is to be known. The truth is, we are all only saved by His grace and though we may see ourselves unworthy, He still longs to be in communion with us. 

The work of the cross was to give us the Holy Spirit to regenerate a spiritual life of apprehending God.

God is here, and there, and there is no place where He is not. No point is nearer to God than any other point. After Jesus died on the cross, the veil was torn so we can now enter into the Holy of Holies with boldness and grace; He is closer than our skin. God is longing to reveal Himself to us in some way or another. I want a revelation of God like Moses had. I want my face to glow with supernatural light because of his encounter with the living God. This pursuit is only successful because of God's grace. I long to have a habit of spiritual response and awareness of the divine Presence and faith is the only thing that will enable this spiritual sense to function. 


Receptivity...response to or desire to have; increased by using or destroyed by neglect. I want God to show me His glory, and desire Him more desperately and earnestly, in touch with the spirit as a reality as much as the physical world. I want to be in communication and respond to God by passionate pursuit of Him every day. I'm thankful that He knows the depths of my heart, my feelings, and He continues to gently love me, and woo me into His presence. The power of your grace and mercy is enough to get me through every day. To count each one a victory with your Spirit beckoning me to You and helping me to persevere. When I think I can figure things out with my human reasoning is when you challenge my trust and obedience. It is confronting to my head because I can only comprehend so much of You God. Your facets are endless, God, give me new perspective, holding fast to your character, and meditating on your wonderful works, and on your glorious splendor and Majesty. You are the One who sustains all things and satisfy the desire of every living thing and those who fear you. 


"You have searched me and you know me, you understand my thoughts from afar, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Where can I go from your Spirit or where can I flee from your Presence? You knitted together my most inward parts, my soul knows it is well, and precious are my thoughts to you, O God."   psalm 139

it's the simple things..

Abba, I'm so thankful for you today and always. The way you romance my heart with something as simple as a beautiful sunrise over the volcano as I do my two step dance with you, running along the ocean. The rhythm of my steps sometimes feels as though it's Your own heart beating through me. Today I choose an attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving for what You have done in my life, and most of all because You are worthy of it all. You give me strength when I have none. You show me what it means to be a woman of integrity and live with a holy fear over my life. You've shown me the importance of self-control and dying to my flesh every single day. I know that words carry weight to them and life and death lie in the power of the tongue. It cannot be tamed but out of the overflow of the heart, my mouth speaks. I represent you with joy and honor so let that permeate throughout my entire life. Let it be one that is pleasing to You. Fill me up God with more of you. I surrender my heart to you and transform it into a heart that knows your heartbeat for life, beauty, justice, and peace. I want to be marked by prayer and being in Your word. That I will know your character so well that I can bank on who you say you are, Father. I thank you again for this time in Hawaii and how captivating You are, how intricate Your work is. You are the pulse of my heart and I choose to be led by the voice of the Holy Spirit as today will be the day that I love You the least. 

"I will proclaim with the voice of thanksgiving and declare all your wonders. I will bless the Lord at all times and let His praise continually be on my mouth." -A lesson from the life of David in the Psalms :) 

Prophetic Words

How I've enjoyed this time in Hawaii being with some of my best friends JR and Ashley Bagwell before heading home. It's been such a joy and makes my heart smile thinking about all of the adventures and journeys we have yet to experience together as we sit in the "glory room" (bed room) casting vision together. It's such a blessing to have them in my life and do this walk with Jesus together. We were praying for each other the other night and the  Lord gave us some words over each other and for encouragement in this season to come. These were some of the ones that were prayed over me:

Plowing the soil of your heart: making my heart soft in this season of preparation and expectancy to hear God's word resulting in growth

Train going around a mountain: Not sure about the destiny I'm going, all I know is that I'm on a one way track and that's my life led by my Abba. A train is a large ministry influencing many people and mountain is a place of revelation or meeting with God or God's glory

Sky: high things of God in the spirit 

   -in the sky was clouds, a door, a lion, northern lights, me in scrubs

Clouds: heavenly manifestation, glory presence of God

Lion: conquering nature of Jesus, powerful spirit

Door: an opening, the way, possibility, grace through Jesus

Nursing: healing anointing, caring service and minister gift

The Lord also spoke to never forget the "seasons of life" we walk through. Be sensitive to transition and changes. While I was praying yesterday, Holy Spirit gave me a picture of a big, green, full tree, and said "I'm growing you into this big tree but I'm also pruning you and leaving branches here in Kona. It has been a major time of grown and going to new depths but you will not produce fruit until you go home. Just continue to abide in the fullness of Me and the fullness of you in Me."

I'm so excited for the things in store back home and I'm so thankful that I do not have to know my plans because God does. Sometimes it feels overwhelming, but at the same time I think God doesn't reveal certain things to us because they're too big to comprehend. It's a walk of grace and trust and the journey with Jesus I wouldn't trade for the world...just something to sacrifice my life for. 

"I give it all to you God, trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me." 

Power of Fasting

I'm learning that fasting and praying is the most powerful spiritual combinations of things a Christian can possibly do. Coming back from another country and into a life full of entertainment and distractions it's so easy to remove focus from the thing we should value most in our lives. I had to separate myself from something or remove it completely to replace it with more God. For more breakthrough, more depth in the spirit, revelations, and being in tune with what God is speaking into my life during this season. It's a time of a lot of transition and excitement; a new chapter.

I want to be so willing to sacrifice something for something better, to pray to win something over for God's kingdom. It's not about twisting His arm but I just had an urgency in my spirit to realign my heart with God and for Him to reveal anything that needed correction in order to fulfill the purpose He has for my life. A divine calling for something requires a divine preparation of prayer. We cannot lose the power of prayer by trying to do things on our own accord. We must tap into the power of Jesus to move angels and demons. It starts in the spiritual, then moves to the physical. 

So many things have happened in the physical as well as the spiritual over this last week and I credit it all to these powerful tools and the power of God. My purpose was to seek the face, mind, and heart of God to reveal things through consecration. To go deeper in my prayer life through intimacy with Jesus and denying the flesh from instant gratification of food. Practical lessons I'm learning are patience, humility, self-denial, perseverance and increased focus. I want focus on God. There are so many things in this world that are battling for our souls and affections, including food. Through fasting it helps me tune into God's voice, conviction of the Holy Spirit, and making me a catalyst for awakening and revival. 

God has given me so much vision for this summer back in Glendive and things happening in the church, youth, and community as a whole. I'm so excited to go home and build relationships and invest in people, serve like Jesus. To know that this season is to go about the Father's business. It's going to be a time of revival of the heart, reformation of the lifestyle. I can't waiiittt!! :)

Pursuing Truth

The truth penetrates deep...if you allow it to. But, it is also one of the most questioned things in today's society. What is truth? It all comes back to what worldview and perspective you have. Some have definitions from a communism perspective, some secular humanism, but when the world and our culture is viewed through the lens and grid of the truth of the Bible, everything becomes much more clear. People want questions answered. Where did I come from, how did the universe come about, where is everything going, and truth determines the answers to all the previous questions. 

TRUTH: PROPER DESCRIPTION OF REALITY AS GOD SEES IT BECAUSE HE CREATED IT

 Ideas have consequences and the actions we follow through with are determined solely on what we believe. Belief, worldview, and value systems manifest into decisions in everything we do in life. God is bigger than our ability to comprehend things and stands outside of time. Because there is no beginning or end to my infinite Father, all things began with Him. Evolution and Big Bang are valuable arguments but both are a result of a yet undiscovered cause. The things that come with a belief system are all focused around if there is a God or not. Say there isn't a God...then humans are just simply DNA, chemicals, who are 'essentially good'. Then comes the question...what is 'good'? There is no moral lawgiver, no God to determine the standard. So many people will say truth is relative and everything is founded on having faith in reason. This limits everything to only what man can think and comprehend. Biblical truth rests on divine revelation, through biblical scriptures, both reason and intuition are guided by revelation. 

Truth exists and is knowable because God has revealed it. Reason is necessary to comprehend this divine revelation but our beliefs can't rest only on reason. To claim there is no God is a moral deficit. Men have forgotten God, that's why our world is coming to what it's coming to. There is "no deity" therefore, we must save ourselves. We have put too much faith and trust in humans and other things that will never fulfill the void. When a society rejects God, they will look for someone or something to save them which then gives the institution or social sphere with the more influence, complete power. Racism and war are often times just manifestations and fruit of a skewed worldview. Ideas have consequences. 

Nothing can save a lost, fallen world but the one who brought it into being in the first place: God. The fall of man was when sin entered into the world. This sin that began in the Garden of Eden brought separation between Adam and Eve and them with God. Through Old Testament scriptures God is often times viewed as a God of wrath and judgement but that was also because of disobedience and sin. The idols and sacrifices couldn't cut it, so, he sent His Son to die for our sins. The blood had to be shed to cover over our sins. By His death, the veil and curtain that separated us from the throne of God was torn. We are now a "new covenant" people who now can come into God's presence by His spirit through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. 

The truth comes, revival happens, then comes redemption and reformation. Start the fire and carry the flame forward. People are hungry from something real and something believable. Nothing penetrates deeper than the truth of Jesus. 

I pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal truth to me so I can recognize things not of God.  

"If you continue in my word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will make known the truth, and the truth will make you free." -John 8:32

Processing and Debriefing

WOW where do I even start?! Thank you God for being a faithful protector who got our team through every step of outreach, and back to the rock in the middle of the pacific, Kona, Hawaii. You are soo GOOD TO ME and it never ceases to prompt me to worship you!! 


From Colombia, to Peru, down to Chile and back again, God has become so many more things to me than I can even begin to imagine. This week of debrief has thus far been a lot of processing and unpacking everything that God has done in ourselves personally and in the nations. The reuniting and rekindling of friendships established during lecture phase and the freak out revelations of God through different ministries and proclaiming the goodness and power of the Holy Spirit. My conclusion, God is on the move and it's SO exciting! The harvest is ripe and the laborers' are few. 


After coming back to America, everything has become so much more of a reality and how much freedom I now walk in and seeing things through a new lens...God's lens. It's crazy to me how leaving the comfort of your own culture and country can give you such a new perspective. Walking away from outreach, that's the biggest lesson I chose to learn. No matter what we were doing, who we were working with, what ministry we were a part of, it is all about having God's heart and God's perspective. Seeing that things and people truly have value, and there is a depth and a story behind everything. I can say that the "kingdom of God" has become more of a reality to me and in the midst of the changes and what was all happening around us God remains the constant and the steady. I had the opportunity of diving into the Word and preaching things He laid on my heart and proclaiming the goodness of God. I chose to move forward in the confidence of who He says He is and bank on His character because it is unchanging. He has become my anchor and foundation that keeps me grounded in the truths and promises of a life that chases after Him. 


In Chile was probably where I had the most personal breakthrough and revelations of things in my own life. In the first days, it wasn't what we thought ministry would look like but in the end, we all learned how to serve and reaped the fruit of it. That is probably the most important lesson that can be learned and I found out, I truly love it. We had the privelege of coming alongside long-term missionaries and lightening their load and blessing them by simply being the hands and feet of Jesus. Also the value of letting God's love be our motivation; changing the motivation of our heart and to invite God into the mundane tasks and just enjoying His presence. It made my heart happy to find Him in the simple things and knowing that in the fullness of His presence will come joy. Serving was a lesson in humility and selflessness and to be first, you must be last. God is also teaching me what it means to walk in integrity and the fear of the Lord. I want to continue to be faithful in the little things and to live with a holy fear over my life in everything I do. God is sooo good and is continuing to reveal and speak things to me as this season is coming to a close but also that He is equipping me and readying my heart and mind for the new chapter on this adventure with Him. We serve a timeless God that is outside of human comprehension and I sometimes don't always know the purpose or reasoning of everything but I have enough confidence to move forward and step out in faith, into the unknown, knowing that He is a good Abba who fulfills all the promises He speaks to us. He will never leave me nor forsake me and I can always run to the loving embrace of my Father. 

"Then you will discern the fear of the LORD 

And discover the knowledge of God. 

 For the LORD gives wisdom; 

From His mouth come knowledge and understanding. 

 He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; 

He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, 

 Guarding the paths of justice, 

And He preserves the way of His godly ones. 

 Then you will discern righteousness and justice 

And equity and every good course. 

 For wisdom will enter your heart 

And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; 

 Discretion will guard you, 

Understanding will watch over you"

   -Proverbs 2:5-11