Aloha Hawaii!!

Well..after 13 hours of flying, layovers, and traveling I arrived safely on the beautiful island of Hawaii! Flying over the ocean was an experience like none other. It was truely an opportunity to behold God's greatness of creation. We arrived on campus with a van shuttle full of 12 other students attending various schools at YWAM including community transformation, call to all, compassion, biblical counseling and several others. I was happily introduced to my school leaders who gave me a run down of how the weekend is going to go. The four hour time change has been a major adjustment but amazing things are in store! I have met some awesome girls and am so stoked! I miss my family like crazy but I know that God's got this all under control! He is sooo good! :) I'll post more tomorrow!

Meditations from my Heart

I'm only 2 days away from flying out and I'm finding such a greater need to cling to God's promises and His truths. His word is satisfying and fulfilling and reassuring. Things i'm always reminded of is trust. joy. banishing anxiety. deliverance of fears. direction. righteousness and his unfailing love.

• "..asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding." -Colossians 1:9b
• "..my heart is glad and my body will rest secure because you will not abandon me..you have made known the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand" -Psalm 16
• "..being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience." -Colossians 1:11
• "..pray for us that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored..but the Lord is faithful and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one..confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command..may the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perserverance." -2 Thessalonians 3:1-5
• "..the Lord is my helper and I will not be afraid.." -Hebrews 13:6

What I'm also learning is more of God's heart and what that looks like in my life. As James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." It's easy for us to give lip service to the idea of helping but it's harder to put the words into practice. I feel so privilaged to answer the call to missions and go out into the nations, fight for justice, and spread the love of Jesus. This is the essence of what James teaches us when he says "Faith by itself, if is not accompanied by action, is dead." (James 2:17) and "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead" (James 2:26)

I desire for my relationship with the Lord to be an adventure. One where I find out what pleases Him, then going out and doing it. I am falling more in love with Jesus every day. I want God's will, not mine; His blueprints, not my elementary scribbling; God's assignment, not my foolish plans.

"Keep giving Jesus to your people not by words, but by your example, by your being in love with Jesus, by radiating his holiness and spreading his fragrance of love everywhere you go. Just keep the joy of Jesus as your strength. By happy and at peace. Accept whatever He gives--and give whatever He takes with a big smile because you belong to Him. My true community is the poor--their security is my security, their health is my health. My home is among the poor and not only the poor, but the poorest of them: the people no one will go near because they are filthy and suffering from contagious diseases, full of germs and vermin--infested; the people who can't go to church because they can't go out naked; the people who can no longer eat because they no longer have the strength; the people who lie down in the street, knowing they are going to die, while others look away and pass them by; the people who no longer cry because their tears have run dry."

                                                                    -Mother Teresa

                       The Lord wants me exactly where I am, I trust Him and I know He will provide the answers.

God Speaks

The concept of God speaking or God's voice had always been such a struggle for me to understand and something that I wanted for so long. In the last month or so I have expirenced more of the fullness of God's presence, his Spirit inside of me and also tasted and seen first hand how awesome it feels when God answers prayer or reveals his character in many different ways. I had always doubted it or had misconceptions of who God was and that fact that he could really meet me right where I'm at and love me just the same. When in prayer and silence, waiting in expectation and got nothing in return, it frustrated me. I wanted to hear God speak so bad. What I soon learned was that it was not something you could literally hear; not an audible voice but something so much deeper.


As I searched this out and searched my heart, I underwent some major heart surgery for Jesus. I learned the reality and importance of God's word, how rich and alive it is. He gave us this book of life as an instruction manual for our life. When we're down trodden or walking through a hard time or trial we have the privilage to go back to the Bible to hold onto the promises and truths that He gives us. This was my first revelation of one of the many ways "God Speaks". The verses the Holy Spirit prompts me to read and how I can make these things applicable to my life. It is so cool to me because what speaks to me one day might not the next. God is ever-changing but so the same. So faithful and so exciting. Every day is new and fresh with blessings being showered down from the man upstairs. :)

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." --Hebrews 4:12

Another new, awesome thing I have witnessed is the power of God's voice through the different dreams and visions I have been having. God speaks to us through our world, through our history and our literature, and through other people, in our own hearts and lives, in our waking and sleep, and in our everyday activities. God uses our dreams and visions to align our hearts, thoughts, and intentions to His eternal purpose. He may use dreams in a variety of ways; to answer questions, appoint us to a new mission, to command changes in the way we live, and to reveal secrets of His heart. These are vital truths that we might have missed throughout the day. Dreams have the power to confirm, enlightnen, enrich, and deepen your understanding of God's word. Dreams also contain wisdom and intelligence because of the Spirit of God. Through these dreams that God has given me, it gives me a whole new insight to my own heart, the direction He has called me to go and a specific direction for a given task.

"For God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men, while they slumber on their beds, then he opens the ears of men, and terrifies him with warnings. that he may turn man aside from his deed and conceal pride from a man; he keeps back his soul from the pit, his life perishing by the sword." --Job 33:14-18

I had another dream the other night and it went something like this. I was in a huge city, like megalopolis (BIG). I was riding in a taxi on a freeway/highway being transported from one airport to another airport on my way to my destination. As we crossed a bridge I looked over to the other side of the oncoming bustling traffic of 6 lanes to witness a 20 car pile up right before my eyes. I just sat there in shock of all this happening and going on around me but I didn't really sense any emotion. I woke up and didn't know what this meant. I immediately though "wreck"..trial..destruction. God revealed to me that it was far from this. In the dream book I referenced in a previous blog this is what I found:

-AIRPORT-the ministry that sends out missionaries. high powered spiritual church capable of equipping and sending out out ministries. preparation for ministry/provision or nourishment in readiness of service.
-WRECK/CRASH-clash, end of one phase and change of direction
-HIGHWAY-holy way, path of life. Truth of God, Christ. predetermined path of life or path of life that enjoys high volume of usage.

I don't think this is irony or coincidence. God reveals himself in such amazing, different ways. I thank him for revealing these things to us through his Spirit he places inside of us. Experiencing God speaking is so fun, exciting and life producing! I am learning the importance of being fully yielding to the Holy Spirit and walking in the fullness of it. Having joy abundently, producing fruit of the spirit and living my life to the fullest potential. This is a desperate cry of my heart because unless I'm filled with the Holy Spirity my ministry as a missionary will fail. I desire to seek holiness, and hunger and thirst for more of Jesus. We are truly missing out if we're not walking in the full freedom and mercy of Jesus Christ.

Abba Father

I took a father/daughter day trip with my dad to Billings on Wednesday. One of the last ones I'll have before I fly out. He lives out of town so we aren't able to get much time together so I soaked up every moment. During this little adventure we were able to sit in the car, visiting about everything and nothing at the same time. The conversation flowed with much naturalness and ease. I treasured every word and the counsel he gave me about the different things we discussed. In this moment, I had a revelation of "The Father's love for us". Since I ever came into existance I've been a daddy's girl and could always count on my dad for an encouraging word, a stern reality check or a gentle touch of reassurance that everything is going to be okay. It made me realize as humans, especially children, how dependant we are on our fathers. Not only our fathers but our parents in general. That's how I want to be with the Heavenly Father. So dependent, and lost without him. Seeking him for counsel in every area of my life, fulfilling my every need and desire. Without Jesus, I am nothing. No other relationship besides the one with our Father is so fulfilling. To know God as our Father is to know life as he intended it to be. When we come into that love relationship with him we become his children. We have the privilage of prayer and the opportunity to come into his holy presence at any given time of any day. Haddon Robinson once said, "All that a good father wants to be to his children, God will be to Christians who approach him in prayer." We need to embrace this truth that we have unhindered access to God through Jesus Christ. The way my dad and I talked was so easy and that's what my prayer life should look like as well. It was just a fresh revelation of Jesus' love and how much our relationships with our earthly fathers can mold how we view our Lord and Creator. It also challenges me to go deeper, to learn more because the Father's goal is to make us all more like his Son, Jesus.

"Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who cries out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are son, God has made you also an heir." --Galations 4:6-7

No matter how much we may love our own dad, we also know that every father has his flaws. The fathers we experience as children will affect how eagerly or how apprehensively we know and enjoy God the Father. If we had a father that was distant or abusive it is hard to remove those misconceptions and learn the truth that the only right kind of model parenting was done by God. Only Jesus has the perfect father. This too was an eye opening truth that I was able to mentally link in my head. Previously in the week I watched the Sex + Money Film which is a documentary about domestic minor sex trafficking and the modern day abolitionist movement trying to stop it. A lot of the victims of this crime were young girls that weren't running to that lifestyle but running away from home. A home life where sexual abuse was prevelant or there was no father figure present. It felt like natural behavior to them. It broke my heart and also made me so much more passionate about doing the focus Discipleship Training School that I'm doing. Compassion focuses on working with women and children recovering from these things. Trafficked, enslaved, and struggling with addictions or life problems. There is a huge problem out there that needs to be dealt with. I want to go. I want to do. I want change. I desire for these men and women to love Jesus and live a life that shows this. It's a national search for human worth.

In conclusion, I am just so thankful for the father that I do have, and most of all for my Heavenly Father. He is so many things to me I can't even wrap my head around it. Protector, Provider, Counselor, Strength, and most of all Lover of my Soul. I just desire to have a pure and holy heart, filled with the Holy Spirit, running hard after you, Jesus.


                                            Trailer for the movie Sex+Money Documentary

Dreams and Visions

So, last night as the clock ticked over 5 am, I was wide awake and my thoughts were racing. Excitement, fear, wonder, possibilities, and what ifs of leaving to Hawaii. I close my eyes and try to doze back off to sleep. In my light rest is when I dream the most and remember things without much recollection. During this state, I had the most amazing vision. It was me. Standing on the edge of the beach where the ocean meets the sand. I looked out into the abyss and everywhere around me and as far as I could see there was no one. Not a soul. Just me, the water, the sand, and next to me were my two suitcases. Even in my sleep I could feel the intenseness of the emotions I had in this moment. I was captivated by the beauty of God's creation, overwhelmed by His glory, and scared of being alone, fearful of the openness and everything and anything that could possibly happen to me. I couldn't get this out of my head. Finally I had to wake up and journal, pray, read, something to get some clarity.

I never read in the Old Testament very often but for some reason the Holy Spirit prompted me to turn there. Thiese are the verses that I came to and that spoke to me.

"I will put my spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken and I have done it declares the Lord." --Ezekial 37:14

"But as for me, I am filled with power, with the spirit of the Lord, and with justice and might, to declare to Jacob his transgressions, to Israel his sin."  --Micah 3:8

"I saught the Lord and he answered me, he delivered me from all my fears." --Psalm 34:4

These verses reminded me of the promises God gave us with the Holy Spirit living inside of us as Chrisians. He will settle me, fill me with power and deliver me from all my fears. I sometimes get these thoughts of anxiety and fears about this huge step out and leaving this country but knowing that the Holy Spirit will guide, lead, intercede, speak to me and reveal things removes all these thoughts and emotions and replaces them with truth.

In the book "Illustrated Dictionary of Dream Symbols: A Biblical Guide to Your Dreams and Visions" by Dr. Joe Ibojie...A SUITCASE: on the move. transition. private walk with God;  AN OCEAN: vast amounts of people. I found this ironic because these are both things that reasonate with what I'm going through and the season I'm in. I've never moved away from home in my life, especially half way around the globe. Attending DTS I'm going to meet soo many new people and have such an amazing opportunity to share the love of Jesus to many more people in another country.

Lastly, the sands of the beach. Throughout the summer I've been reading the book "Lady in Waiting" by Jackie Kendall. It has struck a cord with where I'm at. Many single women view themselves as ugly oyster shells lying on the beaches of life, overcome with the trials and problems that come with not being married or in a relationship. Often times comparing themselves to the beautiful seashells around them. I'm learning that God is using these sands of singleness to make me perfect and complete. He's developing pearls of character in my life. The Lord is making me a costly, beautiful pearl for all to admire.

                                           Lady in Waiting
..::it's not about finding the right man, but becoming the right woman::..
         The Lady in Waiting recklessly abandons herself to the
   Lordship of Christ, diligently uses her single days, trusts God with
       unwavering faith, demonstrates virtue in daily life, loves God with undistracted
devotion, stands for physical and emotional purity, lives in security. responds
             to a life of contentment, makes choices based on her convicions,
                      and waits patiently for God to meet her needs.

my.mind.is.blown.

Today marks the 11th day until I leave for YWAM and I am SO overwhelmed by God's faithfulness and provision. We had our last fundraiser today, Pancake Breakfast, before I fly out. We had a successful turnout and I would deem it profitable. :) It's so rewarding to get out in the community, show the love of Jesus, and experience the blessings from it ten-fold.

Finances, and raising money and support to attend this Christian Mission School had always been such a worry for me throughout the summer. This week has been living proof that I have nothing to worry about and I'm once again reminded, God is in control. I have been blessed with nearly $2,000 in one week!! Romans 15:13 says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." This refreshes my spirit, gives me hope, and as I walk boldly into this new season of life and growth I have hope, I have expectations, and I have confidence in my Jesus. I have a vision and a dream for my future.

"And the Lord answered me: "Write the vision: make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end-- it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it: it will surely come, it will not delay." ---Habakkuk 2:2-3

Through this process of fundraising and raising money I'm learning the true meaning of God as "Jehovah Jira"= Our Provider*. When I face trials and tests with finances I know it's to see how much I'm trusting in God. He provided Jesus as a sacrafice in our place. He loves us THAT much. He will provide for every need we have so we don't have to face our own penalties of our sin. From the beginning of time, God has a plan and it will prevail over everything else. We must have the faith, and trust that God will provide. I can no longer put limitations on God but be willing to yield and surrender everything, even my money. I know that God will not withold anything from us if all we do is trust in Him and have faith. So my prayers are shouts of thankfulness and willingness to continually worship Him with every area of my life. Everything I have to give. Praise Him because He is all powerful, faithful, and perfect!! 

"So the Lord called the name of that place, "The Lord will provide;"
---Genesis 22:14

"Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again. Not that I seek the gift, but seek the fruit that increases to your credit. I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Phaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrafice acceptable and pleasing to God. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." ---Philippians 4:16-19

make me who you called me to be..

As today marks two weeks before I leave for YWAM, some things I've been praying for is to create in me a missionary heart. A longing to love and serve these people in third world countries. To go and make disciples, become the hands and feet of Jesus. I'm reading and learning lots from a book called "Dictionary of Mission Theology" that a co-worker so kindly lended to me. It's so deep and really strikes a cord with my spirit.

The nature and task of the Christian mission are determined by the character of our God. It finds it origin in His loving character that freely reaches out to create and redeem and is oriented toward the end that he has for all of creation. This is to make the creation a fit habitation for His holy presence. Going into the mission field, my heart burns with a passion to reflect the eternal pattern of perfect love in unity. To proclaim hope to the hopeless and to live in a manner that shows them and demonstrates God's original calling for his people to develop and care for each other as faithful servants. This should point to his final purpose to unite all things in Christ.

Our task should be to follow God who has set the pattern for missions in Jesus Christ, the way, and accompany His people in the Spirit who also empowers them. I want to follow by means of loving service to these nations and in the world by living and preaching the truth that there is no salvation, no life or freedom apart from the God who has revealed himself to be the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

I pray as I prepare for this life changing season for humility, boldness, and a hungry, relentless spirit. I want to know more, go deeper, and fully surrender; be sold out for the one purpose and calling He has placed on my life.

"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."
      -Isaiah 58:11

"How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion "Your God reigns."
      -Isaiah 54:7